Venting... 9th day

Today's my 9th day on this excruciating "starvation" diet :/ I'm sticking with it as much as I can.... Maybe this will help me to getting some of my strength back, my hands & balance back. "step by step" & "little by little" they say, and it's "chronic/incurable but you'll be able to live a normal life" - not holding my breath though and i don't even have the strength :( I don't just want to feel better for a bit or a couple days, I want to feel better forever, be completely cured. Start my Life!! When I get excited about anything I feel like I'm just fooling myself, which I am, I mean who am I kidding..... I know i know, Trust in God He has the power to heal me and I am, I believe He can, but I'm still a weak sinner who sometimes can't take it anymore and in need of some venting..