Typical.

The universe is constantly stirring the pot and breaking the silence with sudden bursts of dysfunctional turmoil. Unsettling discord breaks into my synapses clouding my mind with corruption. I truly crave to be a free being, posses my own soul, and clutch onto the comforts of what makes me happy. Ego is a hard thing to let go of, especially when life is absolutely entangled in the conformity of petty emotions. My life is soap opera, dramatically infused, making me feel like I’m 23 going on 50. Everything causes some sort of whip-lash reaction, sending me into blissful mayhem or destructive chaos, either way, I always seem to lose control of my sanity. And I wonder if I was ever sane to start…I’m a weird one, I guess, and that suits me just fine. I suppose I desire what most people desire, that true state of elation where animosity or anguish aren’t capable of creeping onto the scene to throw sand in your eyes just because things have been running smooth for a while. It seems sort of cliché though, doesn’t it? EVERYONE wants to be happy. I also suppose it’s that state of unrealistic merriment that has me doubting if true contentment is even achievable. I want to believe that things will get better and I want to believe that I can bring that euphoria upon myself. I guess if I keep pushing myself through the rain my skies will clear, it can’t stay cloudy forever, can it? Let’s hope not, because I lost my umbrella..lol.
As for my faith, well, it's stronger than ever. God has given me a sort of strength that has gotten me through a lot, for many years! But also the goodness of those that I have around me. Tough love really is what the world needs at times, or maybe just me, but whatever the case, it’s paying off. Reality is my biggest struggle, hearing the truth only sparks my denial and then my stubborn self emerges with no good intentions to be found. What burdens me the most is that I react and am sent into autopilot. I don’t ever see the error of my impulsive ways. I am reckless, I move through life clumsily, and it’s not entirely my fault. You really can be the product of your environment and I have to condition myself to function on a normal level. It’s an everyday battle that I’ve had to accept and I truly believe that was the best step I could have taken on the path for self healing. I intend on remaining optimistic, although I’m a realist, so sometimes my optimism will be shot down by logic. And on a side note, logic can really be a witch sometimes. Every once in a while I envy those brainless zombies getting worked by the man in society. Maybe if I was clueless I’d be more happy, but I’d also be clueless and I guess that is never good. I just want to reach a level of comfort so that I know what it’s like to not always be caught up in bewilderment. My time is coming, I can feel it shaking my bones, and I’m sitting with open arms soaking up any reinforcement that I can. I’m working towards paradise this year and I’ll put in any labor for the pay off in the end.
The Lord's Coming Soon & I couldn't be happier!