Afternoon thoughts.

Sometimes, connections break, become cut off in a way or cut off completely. That happens between people quite frequently. I tried to deny what I couldn’t control, what is apart of the growing experience. This is adulthood and that means a lot of things that I don’t want to happen will happen. And it will hurt. And it’s not always going to be easy. The point is, I go through all of this bs heartache and whiplash events to learn how to feel something real and to be prepared; you’ve already been through it all. You’ve hit bottom and came out beat up, but stronger. So, I guess I’m accepting it, embracing it, and I’m moving along and getting wiser with each step.

authenticity

you know what i realized? a small realization but still an important one. things that other people are thinking don’t scare me. even their dark, sad, or muddled thoughts. in fact, i love listening to what is going on in people’s minds. i think, because i’ve had my share of brokenness, another person’s struggles and inner pain don’t cause me to retreat. it’s all part of the authenticity of living - what you feel and think is valid. when it hurts, and when it’s wonderful. don’t hide what you are feeling just because you think it will turn others away. it’s not fair to where you are, and your journey. but i do hope if you discover yourself feeling this way today, that you can find someone who will hear you out. it’s scary being vulnerable sometimes, but there is a beauty in being real, transparent, authentic. you are worth being heard out.

For reals tho-

I’m not excited about my birthday this year. In the sense that I don't want to celebrate it, but don't get me wrong I'm Thankful to the Lord for this year and all His blessings..
but I have such a terrible gut feeling that it’s going to be like last year, I mean it's started off like it already..
I just want to skip it and keep it a secret.
Bah.
There's priorities to do, money to save, bills to get paid, health issues to deal with.. Hey it happens every year right.. Importance is to enjoy the day with your closest, which i will do anyway :) .. I just want to focus on surviving and getting thru another summer with Zero ER visits//

Good picture that shows how my finger tips feel All of the time. Imagine that one. Feeling like nails are stabbing you in your finger tips.

"Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a door-keeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. O Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in You." {Psalm 84:10-12}

Sometimes you have to distance yourself from people to see where you truly stand, because getting hurt, if i can help it, is not a part of my book anymore...

Accept your past, embrace your future❤.. I am not ashamed of who I am, or who I was. I am on the biggest journey of them all and I plan on standing firm until the end. To have a loving God by my side is more than anything I can ask for..